From the archives

I've been live-streaming the World Cup matches while I work, and it reminded me of the many conversations I've had over the years with my boys about football vs. futbol. And I remembered a conversation I had with Isaac five years ago. And because I'm missing him something fierce as he finds his way on this journey called life, I thought I'd post something from the archives.

Isaac is still awesome.

Soccer/futbol is still awesome.

Enjoy.

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It's a tough line to walk. And there is no good answer. Especially because I have athletically gifted children who play both.

As Isaac and I settled in to watch the Mexico vs. Costa Rica World Cup Qualifying match, Isaac shared with me something that happened at basketball practice today.

"I think I might try football next year."

I looked at him. Stunned.

He did a lot of soul searching before deciding on soccer for the coming year. A lot. More than a 13-year-old boy should have to do. But he did it. Thought about it. Talked to Tim about it. His school friends were pressuring him to try out for the middle school football team. The middle school doesn't have a soccer team. Isaac has really come into his own on the pitch this spring. He's grown into his body. Grown into his legs. Just grown.

He went back and forth between football and soccer. And let's review, he also has plans to play basketball in the winter and run track in the spring. He's gifted athletically, and really, his path is his own. He can write on it whatever he chooses.

This year, he chose soccer. He explained it to his dad this way, "I'm good at football, and I'm good at soccer. But I LOVE soccer."

So, soccer it is.

He tried out for an elite team and made it. I paid the money required to secure his spot on the team. He tried on the new uniforms. And he had a LOT of fun at try outs.

"Instead of soccer?" I asked. "No," he said. "Of course not. I mean AND football."

Now I know that will make for a very busy fall. Rushing to practices and games all over the city. And honestly, I was surprised. He really seemed at peace with his decision and my shy boy was even starting to make friends with some of the kids on the soccer team.

"Why?" I wanted to know.

"Well," he started to explain. "The football coach asked me today if I was playing football. I told him no, that I was playing soccer. He laughed and said that soccer is for girls."

I asked what he said to the coach. "I told him so what. Boys play, too." To which the coach threatened, "Well, you won't play football at all then."

At this point, I had to ask him to repeat the conversation to me.

And now, I'm vacillating between angry and furious.

First of all, are you freaking kidding me?! This is an educator. A coach. Someone that young, impressionable boys are supposed to look up to. Instead of saying, "Oh, where?" Or asking what team he's on. Or asking him how it's going. He said, "Soccer is for girls."

I don't really curse all that much.

I can't even tell you what words are tumbling around in my head right now. This is a family blog.

I'm upset.

That one statement did two things:

1. Told my son that boys are better than girls.
2. Told my son that he is no good.

1. Boys are better than girls.
The way he said it and what he said diminished the athletic ability of girls in the eyes of my son. That coach basically told my son that boys are better than girls. That girls' sports are insignificant. That girls are insignificant. His attitude and language perpetuates a stereotype that girls are inferior athletes. That girls are inferior.

I'm not disputing that girls and boys are different, but let's get real here. Female athletes ARE NOT less important or less talented than male athletes! Male, female, whatever. It's not WHAT you play, but HOW you play. And I'm telling you now,  I want my boys to grow up respecting ALL athletes and all sports and all competitions in all nations.

How does that coach--who is also a teacher--treat the girls in his class? Like they are inferior to the boys because they don't play football? Or because they aren't a boy? I shudder at the thought of what those girls have to endure at the hands of this so-called educator.

2. My son is no good.
Let's stop there for a minute. Mainly because I need to take a breath. A minute to re-process. Because frankly, I'm still FURIOUS. And I'm struggling with what I should do. I don't think anyone who spouts opinions like that should be educating children. Because seriously, that's not education. That's not teaching him anything. That's tearing him down. He's already shy. He's already struggled with this decision.

And just to be clear, my son is AWESOME.

He's a tiny bit more than awesome.

For quite a few reasons. NONE of them because he's a boy. And certainly, being a boy doesn't make him BETTER than the girls.

When Isaac repeated the conversation to me, he added some editorial comments. Like, "I don't care. Fine. I don't need to play football. It's his loss--I can be useful. And besides, girl athletes are just like boys. They work just as hard. And in soccer, girls are more aggressive. I like how the girls play. They push each other more."

So, I'm on that line. Between hating American football because of the knuckleheads like this coach who think it is better than everything else. And loving REAL FOOTBALL (soccer) even more. Because my son loves it, and because it has taught him hard work, perseverance, self control, patience, determination, and so much more.

I love my awesome son. I love how much he has grown and matured in the last year. I love his response to the coach and his editorial comments. I love how he volunteers at his sister's Miracle League baseball and TOP Soccer games. I love how he thinks hard work is the real reward. I love that he is a boy. That he combs his hair more than I EVER did at 13. That he worries about outfits and texting and pimples and soccer and legos. He is freaking awesome. No matter what any middle school football coach has to say.

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