Progress

I've mentioned it before, but within a few months, there will be three drivers here at the HennHouse. I believe I will be doing most of the driver's training. For all of the kids. And for good reason. I'm not sure Tim's heart could survive teaching another human being to drive. Literally. He has a penchant for driving perfection, and he tends to write tickets to those who don't live up to his standards. Couple that with it being his son, and well, I think you can imagine what disasters lay ahead for our home.

So, the driver's training falls to me.

My mom likes to say that I get what I deserve. Perhaps this is what I deserve. I was not the best driving student. "High-strung" could be used describe my approach to driving. Nervous. Anxious. Perfectionist. I took the drivers exam three times. I drove my mom's buick up a tree. In the driveway. Driving home from the community theater one night, I was pulled over with my dad in the passenger seat. What did I do? Went the wrong way down a one way street in the dark with my lights off and through a stop sign.

I could write a book about the process of learning to drive.

I did not get my drivers' license until after I graduated high school.

I am a good driver now, but it took a while to teach me.

And that is how it will be with my oldest as well.

We are starting slow. For the last month or so, I've had Isaiah simply start the car. The first time I tossed him the keys, I thought Tim was going to throw up. He might have. I'm not sure. He left the room. For a long, long time.

With driving, comes responsibility and trust. Two things that are in short supply with Isaiah right now. He spent the whole weekend playing a control game with us. Up to his room. Back down. Back up. Back down. He knew what he was supposed to do, he was just exerting his control over the situation. It is truly confounding. Through all of the progress he has made lately, he still struggles mightily sometimes. And with the simplest things.

He knows when he breaks our trust. Most of the time he doesn't want to, he just can't seem to stop himself from needing control in every situation. He almost never takes responsibility for his actions, and rarely if ever apologizes. He just needs to be right. He's learning to control these urgings of his RAD, but it is a long, uphill struggle.

So, this morning after he started my car and I went out with my stuff, I was surprised to find a note on the driver's seat. I knew it was from him. I recognized the handwriting and the messy folds.

And I cried the whole way to work.

It says:

Dear mom,

I know that you love me and want 

to see me succeed. I have a lot 

to live up to, but I'm trying. 

Some day I will be what I dream. 

Thank you for teaching me 

that no matter what, when you 

love something, you don't give 

up on it. Have a great day at work. 

I love you! 

-Isaiah